In episode seven we saw Bret and Jermaine caught up in a race war with a fruit vendor who mistakes the pair as Australians. Musically though the best of moment of the episode comes from Leggie Blonde the first song sung by the bands manager Murray.
Leggie Blonde
Goodbye
Goodbye, leggy blonde
Every day I’d look across the office floor
There you were your hair down to your legs
And your legs down to the floor
Leggy blonde, goodbye
Goodbye
Now that you are gone I’ll never see you here for tech repair
I wish you knew how much I loved your legs and your hair
Leggy blonde, goodbye
Goodbye
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie
Leggy blonde
Goodbye
Goodbye
I had a budgie but it died
(whoa)
I like pie
Leggy leggy leggy leggy (x4)
Blondie blondie blondie blondie (x3)
Blondie blondie
Leggy blonde
I’ll never get
I’ll never get to be with ya
I’ll never get to share another cup of tea with ya
I’ll never get to let ya know how much I think of ya
I’ll never get to tear your clothes off on the photocopier
He’ll never get
He’ll never get
He’ll never get
He’ll never get to say
Oooh leggy blonde you got it goin’ on
Wanna see you wearin’ that thong thong thong
See you getting’ on to the break of dawn
(Mumbling) panties on
Goodbye
Goodbye, leggy blonde
Episode eight of the series sees Bret and Jermaine get girlfriends… well sort of Bret is used by a girl who is the epitome of the term role reversal, and Jermaine, is just Bret’s ‘wingman’. Musically though the guys take a new step and sing in French… the problem is that their knowledge of the French language is limited to the occasional phrase, and well food!
Bret has some body issues in episode six. He thinks he is too thin, and Jermaine thinks he is bulimic. As Bret works through his issues he is haunted by visions of Bowie culminating in this song:
Bowie in Space
Bowie’s in space
Bowie’s in space
What you doing out there, man?
That’s pretty freaky, Bowie
Isn’t it cold out in space, Bowie?
Do you want to borrow my jumper, Bowie?
Does the space cold make your nipples go pointy, Bowie?
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to
Earth?
Bet you do, you freaky old bastard you
Hey Bowie, do you have one really funky sequined space suit?
Or do you have several ch-changes?
Do you smoke grass out in space, Bowie?
Or do they smoke Astroturf?
Ooh!
Receiving transmission from David Bowie’s nipple antennae
Episode five finds Bret and Jermaine going all do-lally over that girl Sally from episode one. Jermaine fantasises about getting jiggy with Sally and comes up with this fine little number:
Business Time
Unghh
Girl tonight we’re gonna make love
You know how I know?
Because it’s Wednesday
And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love
Tuesday night is the night that we usually go to your mother’s place and I teach
her how to use the video machine again
But Wednesday night is the night that we make love
It’s when everything is just right
You’re not too tired from your afterwork social netball team practice
There’s nothing good on TV.
Mmmmm…
Conditions are perfect for making love.
You turn to me and say something sexy like, “I might go to bed. I’ve got work in
the morning.”
I know what you’re trying to say, baby.
You’re trying to say “Aww, yeah. It’s business time.”
It’s business
It’s business time
I know what you’re trying to say
You’re trying to say it’s time for business
It’s business time
Ooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Aww aww yeah yeah
The next thing you know we’re in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That’s all part of it, that’s foreplay.
Foreplay is very important in love making
Then you go sort out the recycling
Which isn’t part of the foreplay, but it’s still very important
That’s not foreplay, but it’s still very important.
Then next thing you know we’re in the bedroom
You’re wearin’ that same old ugly, baggy T-shirt with a stain on it that you got
from that team-building exercise you did for your old work several years ago
“Team Building Exercise ‘99”.
I take off my clothes
But I trip over my jeans ‘cause I’m still wearing my shoes
But it’s okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.
The next thing you know I’m wearing absolutely nothing
Except for my socks
And you know when I’m down to my socks what time it
It’s business time
It’s business
It’s business time
When I’m down to my socks it’s time for business
That’s why they’re called business socks
Ooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Aww aww yeah yeah
Making love
Making love for
Makin love for two
Making love for two minutes
When it’s with me, you only need two minutes, girl
‘Cause I’m so intense
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven
You turn to me and say something sexy like, “Is that it?”
I know what you’re trying to say, girl
You’re trying to say, “Aw yeah, that’s it”
And then you tell me you want some more
Well, uh…
I’m not surprised
But I am quite sleepy
Mmm
It’s business
It’s business time
Business hours are over, baby
It’s business
It’s business time
There’s children on the street using guns and knives
Taking drugs and each other’s lives
Killing each other with knives and forks
Calling each other names like ‘dork’
There’s people on the street getting diseases from monkeys
Yeah, that’s what I said – they’re getting diseases from monkeys
Now there’s junkies with monkey disease
Who’s touching these monkeys, please
Leave these poor sick monkeys alone
They’ve got problems enough as it is.
Man’s lying on the street
Some punk’s chopped off his head
I’m the only one who stops
To see if he’s dead
Mmm…
Turns out he’s dead.
And that’s why I’m singing
What…what is wrong with the world today?
What is wrong with the world today?
(Jemaine mumbles)
What…what is wrong with the world today?
You gotta think about it
Think think about it.
Good cops been framed and put into a can.
All the money that we’re making is going to the man.
What man?
Which man?
Who’s the man?
When’s a man a man?
What makes a man a man?
Am I a man?
Yes. Technically I am.
They’re turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers.
But hat’s the real cost?
‘Cause the sneakers don’t seem that much cheaper.
Why are we still paying so much for sneakers
When you got them made by little slave kids
What are your overheads?
Well, at the end of your life, you’re lucky if die,
Sometimes I wonder why we even try.
I saw a man lying on the street half dead
With knives and forks sticking out of his leg.
And he said,
“Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Can somebody get that knife and fork out of my leg, please?
Can somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees?”
And then we break it down.
This is where we break it down
Ooh
This is where we break it down
Aah
This is where we do the whoa-o-o-o
Break it down
This is where we build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
Build it up
And then we stop
THE SMALL PRINT. THE RIGHTS OF THESE LYRICS REMAIN THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF THE WRITERS, AND I WOULD IMAGINE HBO TV WHO PAY THEM TO WRITE THEM, SO DON’T GO RECORDING THEM AND CLAIMING THEY ARE YOURS… YOU WILL GET CAUGHT AND SENT TO PRISON, WHERE SOME GUY NAMED BUBBA WILL MARRY YOU!!!
Episode two of the fantastic Flight of the Conchords contained another pair of musical gems, but Inner City Pressure was the best of the episode;
Inner City Pressure
Inner city life, inner city pressure
The concrete world is starting to get ya
The city is alive, the city is expanding,
Living in the city can be demanding,
You’ve pawned everything, everything you own,
Your toothbrush, jar, and a camera phone
You don’t know where you’re going
You cross the street
You don’t know why you did,
You walk back across the street.
Standing in the sitting room, totally skint
And your favorite jersey is covered in lint
You want to sit down, but you sold your chair
So you just stand there
You just stand there
You just stand there
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
Counting coins on the counter of the 7-11,
From a quarter past six ‘til a quarter to seven,
The manager Bevan starts to abuse me
Hey man, I just want some Muesli,
Neon signs, hidden messages,
Questions, answers, fetishes,
You know you’re not in high finance,
Considering getting second hand underpants,
Check your mind, how’d it get so bad?
What happened to those other underpants you had,
Look in your pockets, haven’t found a cent yet,
Landlords on your balls, have you paid your rent yet?
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
So you think maybe you’ll be a prostitute,
Just to pay for your lessons, you’re learning the flute,
The ladies won’t pay you very much for this,
Looks like you’ll never be a concert flautist,
You don’t measure up to the expectation
When you’re unemployed there’s no vacation
No one cares, no one sympathizes
You just stay home and play synthesizers.
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
THE SMALL PRINT. THE RIGHTS OF THESE LYRICS REMAIN THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF THE WRITERS, AND I WOULD IMAGINE HBO TV WHO PAY THEM TO WRITE THEM, SO DON’T GO RECORDING THEM AND CLAIMING THEY ARE YOURS… YOU WILL GET CAUGHT AND SENT TO PRISON, WHERE SOME GUY NAMED BUBBA WILL MARRY YOU!!!
BBC4 is repeating the entire first series of the wonderful comedy Flight of the Conchords. For those who have never seen it, the show follows the weekly exploits of Bret and Jermaine, two Kiwis who move to New York to try and get their two-man digi-folk band signed. As you can guess all sorts of hilarious mayhem ensues, but the true comedy is in their music. With this in mind I bring you the lyrics of two of the funniest guys in comedy television, Bret and Jermaine…
THE SMALL PRINT. THE RIGHTS OF THESE LYRICS REMAIN THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF THE WRITERS, AND I WOULD IMAGINE HBO TV WHO PAY THEM TO WRITE THEM, SO DON’T GO RECORDING THEM AND CLAIMING THEY ARE YOURS… YOU WILL GET CAUGHT AND SENT TO PRISON, WHERE SOME GUY NAMED BUBBA WILL MARRY YOU!!!
Part Time Model
Looking ‘round the room
I can tell that you
Are the most beautiful girl
In the room.
B: In the whole wide room
J: And when you’re on the street
Depending on the street
I bet that you are definitely
In the top three
Good looking girls on the street
B: Depending on the street
J: And when I saw you at my mate’s place
I thought, “What is she doing
At my mate’s place?
How did Dave get
A hottie like that
To a party like this?
Good work, Dave.”
B: Ooh, you’re a legend, Dave.
J: I ask Dave if he’s gonna make a move on you
He’s not sure
I say, “Dave, do you mind if I do?”
He says he doesn’t mind
But I can tell he kinda minds
But I’m gonna do it anyway
I see you standing all alone by the stereo
I dim the lights down very low
Here we go
Both: You’re so beautiful
You could be a waitress
You’re so beautiful
You could be an air hostess in the ‘60’s
You’re so beautiful
You could be a part-time model
J: And then I seal the deal
I do my moves
I do my dance moves
Both: It’s 12:02
Just me and you
And seven other dudes
Around you on the dance floor
I draw you near
Let’s get out of here
Let’s get in a cab
I’ll buy you a kebab
I can’t believe
That I’m sharing a kebab
With the most beautiful girl
I have ever seen with a kebab
Ooooh
Why don’t we leave?
We can go to my house
And we can feel each other up on the couch
Oh no, I don’t mind taking it slow
No-o-o-o
‘Cause you’re so beautiful
J: Like a tree
Or a high-class prostitute
Both: You’re so beautiful
You could be a part-time model
J: But you’d probably still have to keep your normal job
Both: A part-time model
J: Spending part of your time modeling
And part of your time next to me
My place is usually tidier than this
I’m Not Crying
So, you’re leaving, aren’t you?
I knew it when you said just then when you told me you were leaving
That’s when I definitely knew
But if you’re trying to break my heart
Your plan is flawed from the start
You can’t break my heart, it’s liquid
It melted when I met you
And as you turn around to leave
Don’t’ turn back to me
Don’t turn around and see if I’m crying
I’m not crying
I’m not crying
It’s just been raining on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my face
Please don’t tell my mates
I’m not crying
No, I’m not crying
And if I am crying
It’s not because of you
It’s because I’m thinking of a friend of mine who you don’t know who is dying
That’s right, dying
These aren’t tears of sadness because you’re leaving me
I’ve just been cutting onions
I’m making a lasagna
For one
Oh, I’m not crying
No
There’s just a little bit of dust in my eye
That’s from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I’m not weeping because you won’t be here to hold my hand
For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland
Ian Morris, Heather Hughes and Ben Howard look at two of UK TV's big recent sci-fi dramas, Paradox and Misfits. Plus, win some very cool prizes in our Misfits competition
Episode 08 - Stargate Universe, Breaking Bad Thursday, December 3, 2009
Heather Hughes, Ian Morris and Ben Howard take a look at the latest in the popular Stargate franchise, Stargate Universe, and take a look at the cult drug-drama Breaking Bad.
