I’M A CELEBRITY… all hail King Joe

King of the Jungle

He battled snakes, rats, and bugs, and ate an assortment of creepy crawlies, he even managed to tame Timmy and DVD, and he fell in love with George… now Joe Swash is the King of the Jungle!

We all knew he would do it! So congratulations Joe! You deserved to win!

I’M A CELEBRITY… Van Day has had his day!

SHOCKER tonight in the jungle as David Van Day was voted out of the jungle! After yesterday’s story in The Sun newspaper claiming they had “inside” informants who claimed David was running away with the voting, I thought he would be there to the bitter end… it just goes to show you can’t believe everything you read in the paper; especially when that paper is The Sun!

I am glad now that tomorrow is the final, not only because this show has consumed the last three weeks of my life, but also because as much as I disliked DVD, he did make the show interesting, and without the tension he causes in the camp I fear tomorrow will just be a celebrity love-in (minus the sex) with the remaining three hugging and talking about how much they will miss each other!

I’M A CELEBRITY… Van Day may have his day!

According to The Sun (not the most reliable source of information in the world) David Van Dayis going to win the celebrity jungle game-show.

The paper claims to have a secret insider within the show who says that DVD is ahead by a mile in the voting.

From The Sun:

A source said: “David is far ahead of everyone in the voting.

“He has been getting lots of votes since he arrived and they have been increasing steadily. Lots of people have assumed the jungle crown is Joe’s but at the moment that is not the case.”

Dollar star David, 53, has been the focus of attention since arriving as an “intruder” by winding up virtually everyone.

This could perhaps be a ploy by the Sun to get people to vote for Joe in order to secure his win, or it could be just a piece of garbage created by the Sun, but my money is the story actually being true. UK audiences seem to be trying to destroy reality TV by voting for the lesser talents , and trouble makers in recent shows.

I’M A CELEBRITY… simple Simon says “goodbye men… and Martina”

As predicted, Simon was tonight’s evictee from the jungle camp. So sad to see poor Simon go, and just as his song writing career was beginning to take shape in the jungle.

I don’t know what it is about Simon that bugged me so much, was it his constant injuries which disappeared as if by magic? Or his holier then though, attitude?

Who knows, but he is gone now, leaving only Martina for DVD to try and wind up… Something tells me that won’t be too hard!

I’M A CELEBRITY – the final five

Down to the final five in the jungle, and who is going to win is still a mystery to me, and most of the television watching world. Perhaps though if we look at the final five I can predict, using my scientific deduction method (aka guessing) who will be crowned King or Queen of the jungle.

With four boys and one girl left, we can predict with an 80% accuracy that a male will win this years I’m a Celebrity challenge… but then there is a 20% chance I am wrong.

Perhaps if we look at the final few contestants we can guess not only who will go next, but also who will win, and using my mathematical wizardry, I will give you odds of who will win the whole thing, so then you can guess and go down to the bookies and make a bundle of cash.

• Martina – the worlds greatest female tennis player (or so she tells us) has been starting to get on my nerves a bit. She has not really done much over the last week or so except try and get David Van Day to sleep in a hammock. Why? Because she is turning into a bitch, and now that the other girls is gone, she can safely be labelled Queen Bitch! (odds of winning 10%)
• George – has become increasingly boring. He doesn’t do much, he causes no trouble, he takes part in few challenges, and he sleeps a lot. Still he was on Star Trek, and Heroes, so he may get some votes from that… but I doubt it will be enough to keep him in. (odds of winning 10%)
• Simon – this righteous cry baby will be the next to leave the jungle I think (and hope). All he has done since his arrival in the jungle is moan about either being injured or feeling sick… of course it is probably the load of crap he talks all the time that makes him feel sick, or perhaps he is recalling some of the singles he made as a musician. (odds of winning 5%)
• David- perhaps the biggest asshole on the planet… or so we thought, yesterday he was caught admitting that his behaviour was due mostly to a ‘plan’ he had coming into the jungle. His plan so far has worked! Personally I don’t believe his bad behaviour can totally be down to acting though, or else he would easily grab a television role! Still he does make the show more interesting, and he could win this series thanks to the recent trend of voters on reality shows keeping muppets in the running (watch X-Factor, or read about John Sergeant on Strictly). I wouldn’t be that upset either if he won, just because it would really upset all the others, except for dim Timmy. (odd of winning 25%)
• Joe – the obvious front runner, Joe not only is good at the trials, but he also seems to be the only genuine character in the jungle. He is the peace maker, but doesn’t mind ruffling feathers in order to keep some sort of humanity present in the camp. He is my personal favourite, and I am sure the fans favourites as well. (odds of winning 50%)

Watching: I’M A CELEBRITY… bye bye Nic

Oh a shocker tonight, Nicola McLean got voted out of the jungle.

Despite having some lovely fake tits, and a pretty face; her snide comments, arguments with David and general mood, finally got her voted off the show.

Personally I think the show will be more boring without her… who is going to wind up DVD? Not Joe, or Simon, maybe Martina… who knows I guess we will have to wait and see!

Watching: I’M A CELEBRITY… boring Brian evicted!

Boring old Brian has finally been ousted from the jungle. It probably would have happened a day earlier except for the immunity he received from beating annoying Timmy in an earlier trial.

I think Brian attempted to play the game of I’m a Celebrity, the same way he played at trying to become Mayor of London earlier this year. He attempted to please everyone, and like his mayoral campaign, just ended up pleasing no body… and in the process, boring the pants off of everyone.

Tonight another celeb gets out of the jungle, and fingers crossed it will be either boring George or Simon, the cry baby!